GUEST POST BY WENDY JACOBSON

I have never had breast cancer, but I feel that I lived through it with my Mom, who was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer in March of 1995. At the time of her diagnosis, it had metastasized to her bones; they took a sampling of lymph nodes and found of the 16 lymph nodes removed, 14 had cancer cells. The diagnosis for my Mom was not good; the doctor told her to go home and get her affairs in order because she had just a ten percent chance of living longer than six months. What an amazing blow.

Yet my Mom was determined NOT to be a statistic…or at least be in that ten percent that did survive. Despite that determination, she was scared by and consumed with her new status as a breast cancer patient. It completely took over her life, and as a result, it took over our life. At the time, I was living 1,000 miles away from my parents, and would come home to visit as often as I could. I recall during one of the earlier visits, complaining to my Dad that cancer was all my Mom could talk about, and that it pissed me off.

My Mom was a successful business-woman. She was a proud mother of two, and a loving wife to one. She was a friend to many, and an incredibly strong person. I hated what her sickness was doing to her.

As time went on, however, and the reality of her new status as a cancer patient sank in, she was able to process what was happening and eventually channel it – her fears, her determination, her hope – into surviving. My Mom endured a barrage of treatments, which included chemo, a stem cell transplant, radiation and more chemo. She made a vow to herself that if she survived, she would devote a part of her life to helping others who were dealing with a life-changing sickness. And that’s exactly what she did.

I learned a hell of a lot, both during her treatment phase and after, and frankly, so did my Mom. She learned about how doctors might be great at treating a disease, but are terrible with their ‘bedside manner.’ She learned that the battle she was waging was hers, and if she had questions or concerns with anyone on her medical team, to push to get the answers she needed. She learned that, when presented with options, the ultimate decision was up to her.

She learned that a lot of people who she thought were her friends could not deal with her illness and turned their backs on her. She learned later that despite the hurt these people caused, she could understand their fear. She learned that she had to slow her lifestyle down, and to listen to her body. As a result of that, she was able to truly enjoy the things in life that mattered most to her.

She also learned that, despite having to live with this terrible disease, it gave her a gift: a gift of helping others who were walking in her shoes. The ability to do this brought my Mom great joy and satisfaction, and an ability to focus on the positive that breast cancer brought her and her family.

My Mom wasn’t supposed to live to see me get married, welcome her grandchildren or travel the world…yet she did all of that. I always say that out of bad comes good. I wish my Mom didn’t have cancer, but I can honestly say that I take the lessons she and I learned during her battle and apply them to my life, everyday.

Wendy Jacobson is the daughter of Jan Zimmerman, author of Hands Off My Hope: Life Lessons On My Journey With Breast Cancer. You can find out more about the book and Jan’s legacy at http://www.HandsOffMyHope.com